Monday, June 13, 2011

My Tutu Gal

Madi loves to dance.  I can't blame her.  I started dance school when I was 3 1/2 years old. Danced until 5th grade, joined Cheerleading in Jr. High, Drill Team in High School then off to College where I was on the Dance Squad there.  Even after college, I started back at ballet and tap while trying to audition for musicals and such.  I love it.  And, we've raised Madi on lots of music and dance so far so I'm glad she likes it.

When she does start to "shake it", she prefers to have on her tutu so she can twirl and watch it swing around her.  Of course, then it doesn't come off.  We sleep, eat and play with the frilly pink mess all around our waist.  Never thought that I'd see that.

I wanted a girl for years.  Then, was convinced my husband's family seemed to only have boys so I just didn't think it would happen.  I got used to the fact.  I always hung out with the guys, been screwed over by girlfriends and didn't gush over babies.  I was a "guys gal" mostly so I could handle some more men in my life.  Right?

Then, Madi arrived.  Threw me for a loop but I got on board pretty quickly.  I still don't "prefer" pink.  I want Madi to choose how to present herself and like what she likes.  I do have to say that at first the tutu freaked me out.  Now I see it as inspiring.  For years, I've held onto some extra pounds which has NEVER been an issue before.  I have been stressed about not contributing to the household and feel that I've drowned myself in boring, plain and simple "old navy" type of wear.  Took the girl clean out of me.  (mostly)  Though I did makeup for a living and seemed to hover in that world, I really have felt pretty unisex for a while now.  Then, the tutu.

It inspires me to add some flair. To rediscover who I really am.  To figure out what my sense of style is.  (I used to have one believe it or not.  Now I feel like I throw on whatever I find cheap and will hide the bulge.)  I'm choosing pieces that I LOVE not that will "do".  I'm hoping to discover the love of shopping and clothes that I used to have.  I was shopping the other day, miserably trying to find SOMETHING at a store I haven't frequented since college and thought, "I used to come here and just look for fun."  Fun????  You've GOT to be kidding..

Me circa 1978
But still I promise myself to look.  To be happier about it.  To find things that work.  To really attempt to love me for me and trust my inner fashionista.  Now, off to find something.  Maybe a tutu....

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