Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Direction

So have you ever gone down a path and just suddenly realized you weren't quite sure where you were going?  Or which way would lead you back?  Or if you should have turned back a bit ago?

The biggest frustration of my life has been career.  Something I always thought I knew exactly what it would look like.  I majored in Psychology and planned to go to grad school and be a clinical Child Psychologist.  By the time I was a Senior, that was pretty much not going to happen.  But, I was determined to get out of college on time and with my degree.  Nobody else in my family had and I knew I would.  Then, I worked for the state for a few years then I ran off chasing dreams.

I decided I finally wanted to explore acting.  Something I had always dreamed of, played a little with but decided to get serious.  That led to continued dance lessons, acting classes, special event playing, big trips to Hollywood, etc.  Then the road turned again.

First I was to be single, living in Chicago driving a BMW convertible by 30.  Then, I was going to room with a buddy in Hollywood.  Then, I fell in love.  So, I moved to Nashville to work for Starbucks.  No regrets, mind you, this is where I was to be.  But, the career path still beckons and I'm still trying to figure out where to turn.

So, here I am.  Married 11 years, baby in tow and still trying to figure out what I'll do. I've tried my hand at acting, makeup artistry, knitting, photography, music industry miscellaneous...  still just not sure.  The one thing I thought I knew for sure (since Jr. High) is the one thing that I have NO idea where it is, how to find it or if it'll ever materialize.  I know God works this way.  Right?  It's not my plan but His?  It's not for me to decide but for Him?  But, sometimes I wonder if He'll ever let me in on it.  Or if He did and I missed it.

Just musing..

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